I have been crucified with Christ.  It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.  And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Galations 2:20

On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross,

The emblem of suffering and shame;

And I love that old cross, where the dearest and best

For a world of lost sinners was slain.

As a little girl I went to the altar and accepted Jesus as my Savior.  For many years I believed that the work of the cross had done all it was meant to do for me at that one moment at the altar.  I was a Christian because I believed Jesus had died on the cross for my sins.  But I didn’t know how to live.  I was a Christian, but now what?

 I read my Bible, I prayed, and I tried to find ways to please God.  But as I became a young adult, I experienced loss and disillusionment and grief.  It seemed my attempts to please him were failures and I didn’t understand him at all.  I became angry and sad.  And though I was told that Christians should be full of joy, my moments of joy were rare.  I began to hide within myself, to guard my heart from more pain, and eventually sunk into a sinful thought life that shamed me but helped me to escape as well.

In the old rugged cross, stained with blood so divine,

A wondrous beauty I see;

For ‘twas on that old cross Jesus suffered and died

To pardon and sanctify me.

I felt like I was living a hypocritical life; outwardly acceptable, but inwardly full of shame.  But to give up this fantasy world was unthinkable.  I’d decided that life was only to be endured until I died, and then I could go to heaven.  There is no pain or suffering there.  There I would find my joy at last. 

But God, in his patience and grace, was wooing my heart.  He doesn’t leave his children in the pit, though he may use those pits we fall into to give us teachable hearts.  He was speaking grace to me through the years, using college professors, family and pastors to teach me that the Cross was far from finished with me.  It’s work is everlasting.  He died, so that we could live.  Jesus said in John 10:10 that he “came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” 

To the old rugged cross I will ever be true,

It’s shame and reproach gladly bear.

Then He’ll call me someday to my home far away

Where His glory forever I’ll share.

One night, I’m driving down a dark country road on my way home from a church meeting where I’ve been told that I can live an abundant life because of grace.  But I’m crying and I’m telling God I just don’t understand.  What do I do with all of the disappointments, failures and sins?  Then I hear his voice in my mind saying to me, “you know, I took all of that to the cross.”  And just like that I realized it was all taken care of if I would just let go.  I have been crucified with Christ.  It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.  And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. 

I was saved from my sins because Jesus died on the cross.  I live today because Jesus died on the cross.  The cross is my shame and my glory.  It was because of my sins that he suffered and died.  It was because of his love that he willingly paid the price to make me his own.  1 John 4:10 says, “In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation (atonement) for our sins.”  I’m forgiven.  I am loved by God Himself. My life is in him. And this is my joy.

So I’ll cherish the old rugged cross,

Till my trophies at last I lay down.

I will cling to the old rugged cross,

And exchange it some day for a crown.